I resign...

I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult. I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of an 8 year-old again.

I want to go to McDonald's and think that it's a four star restaurant.

I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make a sidewalk with rocks.

I want to think M&Ms are better than money because you can eat them.

I want to lie under a big oak tree and run a lemonade stand with my friends on a hot summer's day.

I want to return to a time when life was simple; When all you knew were colors, multiplication tables, and nursery rhymes, but that didn't bother you, because you didn't know what you didn't know and you didn't care.

All you knew was to be happy because you were blissfully unaware of all the things that should make you worried or upset.

I want to think the world is fair. That everyone is honest and good.

I want to believe that anything is possible. I want to be oblivious to the complexities of life and be overly excited by the little things again.

I want to live simple again. I don't want my day to consist of computer crashes, mountains of paperwork, depressing news, how to survive more days in the month than there is money in the bank, doctor bills, gossip, illness, and loss of loved ones.

I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, justice, peace, dreams, the imagination, mankind, and making angels in the snow.

So . . . here's my checkbook and my car-keys, my credit card bills and my 401K statements. I am officially resigning from adulthood.


I found this somewhere and thought...this would be nice...if only for a day.

Progesterone Test

So I got up this morning at 8 to make it across town by 10 to get my blood work for my progesterone test. I was there about 5 minutes and they called me a few minutes ago to let me know that my level was 15.3(they want it 15 or more). I still think that is a little low but I guess we'll find out.

She said I can come in on Thursday for a beta(blood pregnancy test) and we'll go from there so now I just have one more week to wait!

Wish me luck!!!

my only symptoms as of today are:
sore bbs
frequent urination
fatigue
Which could all be leftover from the HCG shot so I'm not getting my hopes up too much.

XOXO~Mary

He lost a baby too...

Found this and thought I would share...

~ He Lost A Baby Too ~

It must be very difficult
To be a man in grief,
Since "men don't cry" and "men are strong"
No tears can bring relief.

It must be very difficult
To stand up to the test
And field the calls and visitors
So she can get some rest.

They always ask if she's alright
And what she's going through.

But seldom take his hand and ask,
"My friend, but how are you?"

He hears her crying in the night
And thinks his heart will break.

He dries her tears and comforts her,
But "stays strong" for her sake.

It must be very difficult
To start each day anew
And try to be so very brave –
He lost his baby too.


~ Author Unknown ~

Infertility Etiquette by Vita Alligood....this one is long

Chances are, you know someone who is struggling with infertility. More than five million people of childbearing age in the United States experience infertility. Yet, as a society, we are woefully uninformed about how to best provide emotional support for our loved ones during this painful time. Infertility is, indeed, a very painful struggle. The pain is similar to the grief over losing a loved one, but it is unique because it is a recurring grief. When a loved one dies, he isn't coming back. There is no hope that he will come back from the dead. You must work through the stages of grief, accept that you will never see this person again, and move on with your life. The grief of infertility is not so cut and dry. Infertile people grieve the loss of the baby that they may never know. They grieve the loss of that baby who would have had mommy's nose and daddy's eyes. But, each month, there is the hope that maybe that baby will be conceived after all. No matter how hard they try to prepare themselves for bad news, they still hope that this month will be different. Then, the bad news comes again, and the grief washes over the infertile couple anew. This process happens month after month, year after year. It is like having a deep cut that keeps getting opened right when it starts to heal. As the couple moves into infertility treatments, the pain increases while the bank account depletes. Most infertility treatments involve using hormones, which alter the user's moods. (That statement is like calling a lion a cat-my husband would tell you that the side effect is insanity!) The tests are invasive and embarrassing to both parties, and you feel like the doctor has taken over your bedroom. And for all of this discomfort, you pay a lot of money. Infertility treatments are expensive, and most insurance companies do not cover the costs. So, in addition to the pain of not conceiving a baby each month, the couple pays out anywhere from $300 to five figures, depending upon the treatment used. A couple will eventually resolve the infertility problem in one of three ways: They will eventually conceive a baby. They will stop the infertility treatments and choose to live without children. They will find an alternative way to parent, such as by adopting a child or becoming a foster parent. Reaching a resolution can take years, so your infertile loved ones need your emotional support during this journey. Most people don't know what to say, so they wind up saying the wrong thing, which only makes the journey so much harder for their loved ones. Knowing what not to say is half of the battle to providing support. Don't Tell Them to Relax Everyone knows someone who had trouble conceiving but then finally became pregnant once she "relaxed." Couples who are able to conceive after a few months of "relaxing" are not infertile. By definition, a couple is not diagnosed as "infertile" until they have tried unsuccessfully to become pregnant for a full year. In fact, most infertility specialists will not treat a couple for infertility until they have tried to become pregnant for a year. This year weeds out the people who aren't infertile but just need to "relax." Those that remain are truly infertile. Comments such as "just relax" or "try going on a cruise" create even more stress for the infertile couple, particularly the woman. The woman feels like she is doing something wrong when, in fact, there is a good chance that there is a physical problem preventing her from becoming pregnant. These comments can also reach the point of absurdity. As a couple, my husband and I underwent two surgeries, numerous inseminations, hormone treatments, and four years of poking and prodding by doctors. Yet, people still continued to say things like, "If you just relaxed on a cruise . . ." Infertility is a diagnosable medical problem that must be treated by a doctor, and even with treatment, many couples will NEVER successfully conceive a child. Relaxation itself does not cure medical infertility. Don't Minimize the Problem Failure to conceive a baby is a very painful journey. Infertile couples are surrounded by families with children. These couples watch their friends give birth to two or three children, and they watch those children grow while the couple goes home to the silence of an empty house. These couples see all of the joy that a child brings into someone's life, and they feel the emptiness of not being able to experience the same joy. Comments like, "Just enjoy being able to sleep late . . . .travel . . etc.," do not offer comfort. Instead, these comments make infertile people feel like you are minimizing their pain. You wouldn't tell somebody whose parent just died to be thankful that he no longer has to buy Father's Day or Mother's Day cards. Losing that one obligation doesn't even begin to compensate for the incredible loss of losing a parent. In the same vein, being able to sleep late or travel does not provide comfort to somebody who desperately wants a child. Don't Say There Are Worse Things That Could Happen Along the same lines, don't tell your friend that there are worse things that she could be going through. Who is the final authority on what is the "worst" thing that could happen to someone? Is it going through a divorce? Watching a loved one die? Losing a job? Different people react to different life experiences in different ways. To someone who has trained his whole life for the Olympics, the "worst" thing might be experiencing an injury the week before the event. To someone who has walked away from her career to become a stay-at-home wife for 40 years, watching her husband leave her for a younger woman might be the "worst" thing. And, to a woman whose sole goal in life has been to love and nurture a child, infertility may indeed be the "worst" thing that could happen. People wouldn't dream of telling someone whose parent just died, "It could be worse: both of your parents could be dead." Such a comment would be considered cruel rather than comforting. In the same vein, don't tell your friend that she could be going through worse things than infertility. Don't Say They Aren't Meant to Be Parents One of the cruelest things anyone ever said to me is, "Maybe God doesn't intend for you to be a mother." How incredibly insensitive to imply that I would be such a bad mother that God felt the need to divinely sterilize me. If God were in the business of divinely sterilizing women, don't you think he would prevent the pregnancies that end in abortions? Or wouldn't he sterilize the women who wind up neglecting and abusing their children? Even if you aren't religious, the "maybe it's not meant to be" comments are not comforting. Infertility is a medical condition, not a punishment from God or Mother Nature. Don't Ask Why They Aren't Trying IVF In vitro fertilization (IVF) is a method in which the woman harvests multiple eggs, which are then combined with the man's sperm in a petri dish. This is the method that can produce multiple births. People frequently ask, "Why don't you just try IVF?" in the same casual tone they would use to ask, "Why don't you try shopping at another store?" There are many reasons why a couple would choose not to pursue this option. Here are a few of them. IVF is Expensive with Low Odds One cycle of IVF is very expensive. With all of the hype in the news, many people assume that IVF is a sure thing when, in fact, the odds of success for each cycle are low. Most couples cannot afford to try for one month, much less for multiple times. Considering that it also costs a significant amount of money to adopt a baby, many couples opt for the "sure thing" rather then risking their money on much lower odds. IVF is Physically Taxing Undergoing IVF treatments is very rigorous. The woman must inject shots into her thigh daily to cause her ovaries to superovulate. The drugs used are very taxing on the woman, and they can cause her to be become extremely emotional. IVF Raises Ethical Issues Ironically, couples who undergo IVF to become parents may have to selectively abort one or more fetuses if multiple eggs are fertilized. Many couples cannot bring themselves to abort a baby when they have worked so hard to become parents. If the couple chooses not to selectively abort, they run the risk of multiple births. Don't Offer Unsolicited Opinions If They Are Trying IVF On the flip side of the coin, don't offer unsolicited advice to your friends who do choose to try IVF. For many couples, IVF is the only way they will ever give birth to a baby. This is a huge decision for them to make, for all of the reasons I outlined above. If the couple has resolved any ethical issues, don't muddy the waters. IVF is a gray area in many ethical circles, and many of our moral leaders don't yet know how to answer the ethical questions that have arisen from this new technology. If the couple has resolved these issues already, you only make it harder by raising the ethical questions again. Respect their decision, and offer your support. If you can't offer your support due to ethical differences of opinion, then say nothing. A couple who chooses the IVF route has a hard, expensive road ahead, and they need your support more than ever. The hormones are no cakewalk, and the financial cost is enormous. Your friend would not be going this route if there were an easier way, and the fact that she is willing to endure so much is further proof of how much she truly wants to parent a child. The hormones will make her more emotional, so offer her your support and keep your questions to yourself. Don't Play Doctor Once your infertile friends are under a doctor's care, the doctor will run them through numerous tests to determine why they aren't able to conceive. There a numerous reasons that a couple may not be able to conceive. Here are a few of them: Blocked fallopian tubes Cysts Endometriosis Low hormone levels Low "normal form" sperm count Low progesterone level Low sperm count Low sperm motility Thin uterine walls Infertility is a complicated problem to diagnose, and reading an article or book on infertility will not make you an "expert" on the subject. Let your friends work with their doctor to diagnose and treat the problem. Your friends probably already know more about the causes and solutions of infertility than you will ever know. You may feel like you are being helpful by reading up on infertility, and there is nothing wrong with learning more about the subject. The problem comes when you try to "play doctor" with your friends. They already have a doctor with years of experience in diagnosing and treating the problem. They need to work with and trust their doctor to treat the problem. You only complicate the issue when you throw out other ideas that you have read about. The doctor knows more about the causes and solutions; let your friends work with their doctor to solve the problem. Don't Be Crude It is appalling that I even have to include this paragraph, but some of you need to hear this-Don't make crude jokes about your friend's vulnerable position. Crude comments like "I'll donate the sperm" or "Make sure the doctor uses your sperm for the insemination" are not funny, and they only irritate your friends. Don't Complain About Your Pregnancy This message is for pregnant women-Just being around you is painful for your infertile friends. Seeing your belly grow is a constant reminder of what your infertile friend cannot have. Unless an infertile women plans to spend her life in a cave, she has to find a way to interact with pregnant women. However, there are things you can do as her friend to make it easier. The number one rule is DON'T COMPLAIN ABOUT YOUR PREGNANCY. I understand from my friends that, when you are pregnant, your hormones are going crazy and you experience a lot of discomfort, such as queasiness, stretch marks, and fatigue. You have every right to vent about the discomforts to any one else in your life, but don't put your infertile friend in the position of comforting you. Your infertile friend would give anything to experience the discomforts you are enduring because those discomforts come from a baby growing inside of you. When I heard a pregnant woman complain about morning sickness, I would think, "I'd gladly throw up for nine straight months if it meant I could have a baby." When a pregnant woman would complain about her weight gain, I would think, "I would cut off my arm if I could be in your shoes." I managed to go to baby showers and hospitals to welcome my friends' new babies, but it was hard. Without exception, it was hard. Stay sensitive to your infertile friend's emotions, and give her the leeway that she needs to be happy for you while she cries for herself. If she can't bring herself to hold your new baby, give her time. She isn't rejecting you or your new baby; she is just trying to work her way through her pain to show sincere joy for you. The fact that she is willing to endure such pain in order to celebrate your new baby with you speaks volumes about how much your friendship means to her. Don't Treat Them Like They Are Ignorant For some reason, some people seem to think that infertility causes a person to become unrealistic about the responsibilities of parenthood. I don't follow the logic, but several people told me that I wouldn't ache for a baby so much if I appreciated how much responsibility was involved in parenting. Let's face it-no one can fully appreciate the responsibilities involved in parenting until they are, themselves, parents. That is true whether you successfully conceived after one month or after 10 years. The length of time you spend waiting for that baby does not factor in to your appreciation of responsibility. If anything, people who have been trying to become pregnant longer have had more time to think about those responsibilities. They have also probably been around lots of babies as their friends started their families. Perhaps part of what fuels this perception is that infertile couples have a longer time to "dream" about what being a parent will be like. Like every other couple, we have our fantasies-my child will sleep through the night, would never have a tantrum in public, and will always eat his vegetables. Let us have our fantasies. Those fantasies are some of the few parent-to-be perks that we have-let us have them. You can give us your knowing looks when we discover the truth later. Don't Gossip About Your Friend's Condition Infertility treatments are very private and embarrassing, which is why many couples choose to undergo these treatments in secret. Men especially are very sensitive to letting people know about infertility testing, such as sperm counts. Gossiping about infertility is not usually done in a malicious manner. The gossipers are usually well-meaning people who are only trying to find out more about infertility so they can help their loved ones. Regardless of why you are sharing this information with someone else, it hurts and embarrasses your friend to find out that Madge the bank teller knows what your husband's sperm count is and when your next period is expected. Infertility is something that should be kept as private as your friend wants to keep it. Respect your friend's privacy, and don't share any information that your friend hasn't authorized. Don't Push Adoption (Yet) Adoption is a wonderful way for infertile people to become parents. (As an adoptive parent, I can fully vouch for this!!) However, the couple needs to work through many issues before they will be ready to make an adoption decision. Before they can make the decision to love a "stranger's baby," they must first grieve the loss of that baby with Daddy's eyes and Mommy's nose. Adoption social workers recognize the importance of the grieving process. When my husband and I went for our initial adoption interview, we expected the first question to be, "Why do you want to adopt a baby?" Instead, the question was, "Have you grieved the loss of your biological child yet?" Our social worker emphasized how important it is to shut one door before you open another. You do, indeed, need to grieve this loss before you are ready to start the adoption process. The adoption process is very long and expensive, and it is not an easy road. So, the couple needs to be very sure that they can let go of the hope of a biological child and that they can love an adopted baby. This takes time, and some couples are never able to reach this point. If your friend cannot love a baby that isn't her "own," then adoption isn't the right decision for her, and it is certainly not what is best for the baby. Mentioning adoption in passing can be a comfort to some couples. (The only words that ever offered me comfort were from my sister, who said, "Whether through pregnancy or adoption, you will be a mother one day.") However, "pushing" the issue can frustrate your friend. So, mention the idea in passing if it seems appropriate, and then drop it. When your friend is ready to talk about adoption, she will raise the issue herself. So, what can you say to your infertile friends? Unless you say "I am giving you this baby," there is nothing you can say that will erase their pain. So, take that pressure off of yourself. It isn't your job to erase their pain, but there is a lot you can do to lesson the load. Here are a few ideas. Let Them Know That You Care The best thing you can do is let your infertile friends know that you care. Send them cards. Let them cry on your shoulder. If they are religious, let them know you are praying for them. Offer the same support you would offer a friend who has lost a loved one. Just knowing they can count on you to be there for them lightens the load and lets them know that they aren't going through this alone. Remember Them on Mother's Day With all of the activity on Mother's Day, people tend to forget about women who cannot become mothers. Mother's Day is an incredibly painful time for infertile women. You cannot get away from it-There are ads on the TV, posters at the stores, church sermons devoted to celebrating motherhood, and all of the plans for celebrating with your own mother and mother-in-law. Mother's Day is an important celebration and one that I relish now that I am a mother. However, it was very painful while I was waiting for my baby. Remember your infertile friends on Mother's Day, and send them a card to let them know you are thinking of them. They will appreciate knowing that you haven't "forgotten" them. Support Their Decision to Stop Treatments No couple can endure infertility treatments forever. At some point, they will stop. This is an agonizing decision to make, and it involves even more grief. Even if the couple chooses to adopt a baby, they must still first grieve the loss of that baby who would have had mommy's nose and daddy's eyes. Once the couple has made the decision to stop treatments, support their decision. Don't encourage them to try again, and don't discourage them from adopting, if that is their choice. Once the couple has reached resolution (whether to live without children, adopt a child, or become foster parents), they can finally put that chapter of their lives behind them. Don't try to open that chapter again.

Grocery rant...

Groceries cost too much money! Are they kidding me with $5 for a gallon of milk!? Shit,I can buy the whole cow and milk it myself! At least then I would have milk and later,beef. And if I had a bull....babies.....now that's sustainable! Don't even get me started on the CRAP they are selling us in the grocery store and how it's not even REAL FOOD and we have to pay an arm and a leg for it!! You don't want GMO's in your food?! Here's some organic food.....but you have to pay three times as much for it! Have fun with that. REALLY!? 

For my angels...

I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today
I asked "What makes a Mother?"
And I know I heard Him say.
"A Mother has a baby" This we know is true
"But God can you be a Mother, When your baby's not with you?"
"Yes, you can," He replied
With confidence in His voice
"I give many women babies, When they leave is not their choice.
Some I send for a lifetime, And others for the day.
And some I send to feel your womb, But there's no need to stay."

"I just don't understand this God I want my baby to be here."
He took a deep breath and cleared His throat, And then I saw the tear.
"I wish I could show you, What your child is doing today.
If you could see your child's smile, With all the other children and say...
'We go to Earth to learn our lessons, Of love and life and fear.
My Mommy loved me oh so much, I got to come straight here.
I feel so lucky to have a Mom, Who had so much love for me.
I learned my lessons very quickly, My Mommy set me free
I miss my Mommy oh so much, But I visit her every day.
When she goes to sleep, On her pillow's where I lay
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek, And whisper in her ear.
Mommy don't be sad today, I'm your baby and I'm here.'
"So you see my dear sweet ones, your children are okay.
Your babies are born here in My home, And this is where they'll stay.
They'll wait for you with Me, Until your lesson's through.
And on the day that you come home they'll be at the gates for you.
So now you see what makes a Mother, It's the feeling in your heart
it's the love you had so much of Right from the very start
Though some on earth may not realize, you are a Mother.
Until their time is done.
They'll be up here with Me one day and know that you are the best one!"

Swiped from another blog...

I should really give this a try!


How to to Not Become a Lazy Housewife:

Whether you're a full-time or part-time housewife, here are some important tips for not becoming a lazy one.Most importantly, following these tips will keep you feeling great!

* Rise and shine: Seriously, when you first rise be sure to find a way to shine. Instead of getting on the computer in your bathrobe or sitting in front of the TV - take a shower and dress as though you are expecting guests. You don't need to dress to the nines, but at least be clean and presentable. This is vitally important, because doing this will keep you in a great mood all day.

* Move: before you shower, do something ritual such as a five minute stretch routine. Light a candle or do it with a cup of coffee. It's a simple thing that will make you feel like a million bucks all day.

* Pamper thyself: If you have the time, get ready with love in the morning. Take a bath and slather your skin with lovely lotion. If you don't have the time - make a weekly date night with yourself. Make a Pamper Thursdays routine where as soon as your husband walks in the door, you hang up your apron and head to the powder room for the evening. Have fun with polishing your nails, bleaching your mustache, touching up your roots, and even *gasp* shaving your legs! Do it as though you are getting ready for a really hot date.

* Speaking of aprons. Wear one. Become a collector of really cute aprons that even match your outfits. If you have a sewing machine, start making them. There is a real lack of cute aprons and you may be able to make a business selling vintage style aprons on the side (or give them away for Christmas gifts).

* Become an appliance queen: I have a breadmaker, a crockpot, a deep fryer, a waffle maker, you name it. I also have a special shelving system that I keep all of these appliances on. About once a week, I choose an appliance to work for me. This actually frees up my time quite a bit for more important things such as writing on ehow.

* Don't become the cliche gossipy housewife: You know what I am talking about. There seems to be a breed of housewives that sit around and gossip and complain with one another and this breeds laziness to no end. Make it a rule to only listen when other's gossip and NEVER speak badly about your husbands. This is a favorite game housewives play: "my husband is worse than yours" comparison game. Instead, brag about your husband with love and charm and just simply doing that will change everyone's attitude into gratitude.

* Trickery: okay, this is an important and final step. LOOK busy. When your husband walks in the door be sure there is a dollop of flour on your hair, lipstick on your lips, a baby on one hip and a vacuum in another. Instead of looking tired and bedraggled, appear amazing high and energetic as though you have just taken a hit of very strong caffeine. Your husband will feed off this energy immediately and forget about his boring and lazy day at work.

Femara

So I started taking a drug called Femara(usually used in breast cancer patients) to induce ovulation and hopefully it will work but in the meantime...

I have been soooooo tired. The bottle says that it may cause drowsiness and they weren't kidding!!! Last night I could hardly keep my eyes open! I hope I don't have to put up with that for much longer,I can't get anything done!!

I have a doctors appt a week from Monday,on March 2 to check my follicles and see if the pills worked.I'll update then.Hopefully I'll get pregnant this cycle,and most importantly...STAY pregnant! Keep us in your thoughts...